Woman Says Her Date Showed a Major ‘Red Flag’ When the Bill Came: ‘It Left a Bad Taste’

The woman shared her story on the U.K. community forum Mumsnet, sparking a lively debate about the etiquette issue in the comments

A woman is sharing how a recent first date took a disappointing turn when the bill came.

In a post on the U.K. community forum Mumsnet, the woman explained that a man “asked me out, picked the place” — and then “at the end said, ‘shall we split it?’ ” She said that while she agreed to his suggestion of splitting the tab, the moment “left a bad taste.”

“I just think if you’re the one initiating the date and doing the inviting, you should offer to pay — man or woman, but especially if you’re the guy,” the OP (original poster) argued, adding, “It sets a tone.”

She concluded her post by asking, “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to think it’s just good manners and a red flag if they don’t?”

Her post sparked a lively debate in the comments section, with opinions divided on the etiquette issue.

One person wrote, “It’s a bit old-fashioned to expect the man to pay.”

Another agreed, joking, “The 1970s would like this post back! Women battled for equality for years, sometimes giving their lives for it, and now here we are finally getting something towards equality… but some women still want men to pay. It’s embarrassing.”

Someone else told the OP: “Don’t agree to the date if you can’t afford where you’ve been invited. A first date doesn’t obligate anyone to pay anything other than their own way.”

Still, others agreed with the woman’s stance that if someone initiates a date, they should pay.

“I don’t care what year it is, if you make the date then you should pay. You are basically offering to take someone out. It’s weird to split the bill in those circumstances. That’s different to making plans with friends. And it’s nothing to do with gender.”

Another user also said “the person asking for the date should pay the bill” — but noted that one should “never assume” that will be the case.

“All in all, it comes down to personal values,” the same person pointed out. “Perhaps you are just not compatible.”

One commenter challenged the OP, asking, “Do you ever ask men out? And then pay the bill? Or do you expect to be the person invited every time? Because in that case you never have the expense and you’re the tight person here.”

In response, the OP offered more insight into her point of view: “I haven’t asked men out before, no, and in my experience, the men I’ve dated or been in relationships with have always paid and that worked for us. I personally prefer that dynamic.”

She added, “I don’t expect anything over the top, but if someone’s asking me out, I do expect them to take the lead, including covering the first date.”

As for whether she plans to give the man a second chance and go on a follow-up date, the OP shut down that idea in the comments.

“I don’t think so,” she wrote. “It wasn’t just the bill — the vibe felt a bit off overall, and that moment just kind of confirmed it for me.”